Relationships & Support

When you face a serious lung condition like ILD, COPD, or Pulmonary Fibrosis, your world shifts in ways you never expected. For women who undergo lung transplants, the journey through illness and recovery is not just about physical healing. It also reshapes relationships—sometimes in surprising, challenging, or even beautiful ways. I’ve been there, and I want to share how these experiences can change the people around you and how you connect with them.

Who showed up for you in ways you'll never forget?

During my transplant assessment with the Transplant team and the Social Worker, I felt immense pressure to have a Primary Caregiver. My first choice was my youngest daughter, without a doubt. However, she doesn't drive! This was unacceptable to the team, as I needed someone to take me to my appointments during recovery. My father was 97 at the time, and I was his caregiver! I had no one else to rely on, so I gave up trying to find a driver and was removed from the assessment process.

Then my ex-partner (at the time) stepped up, saying I was crazy for not asking him, and he volunteered, along with one of my close girlfriends and her husband! Suddenly, I had three drivers! They all supported me in ways I will never forget. It just goes to show that sometimes all we need to do is ask for help which isn't my strong suit.

What kind of support truly helped you, and what didn’t?

The greatest support that genuinely helped me stay calm was my partner making an 88-mile round trip almost daily while I was in the hospital (nine days) to look after my 97-year-old father and walk my dog.

What didn't help was friends and family wanting to visit once I returned home. I was still scared, and when I had to postpone their visits, it made me feel very guilty.

Friends Who Disappeared and Those Who Stayed

My social life was mostly through my esthetics business of 14 years which I closed in May of 2024 due to starting the transplant assessment. I was feeling too tired to make plans with anyone and didn't want to be canceling at the last minute. I beleive it is a tough place to be in both for myself and friends.

What do you wish loved ones understood better?

I wish people understood the immense impact of having a double lung transplant and how significantly it alters your life! Once you appear normal, they assume you're okay and don't realize the amount of medication we take every day, the exhaustion, the mental fog, and the many other challenges we encounter. We are never really back to "normal".

If you're comfortable, please share what you wish your loved ones would understand better.